My Time Up?

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
 

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

 

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

40 Years of Marriage

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. 

 

She said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."
 

The wife answered, "Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband."

 
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
 

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."

 
The wife and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!....the husband became 92 years old!

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.

Keep Laughing With Open Mind!

Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new holes.

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5 days and if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.

Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbour, then it is sociology.

Doctor: You look so weak and exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day....

Q: Girlfriend and boyfriend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?!!!
A: The boy friend's hand.

Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed at Tarzan. Tarzan asked "Why"? The animals told him "Your tail is in front".

Dance Indeed Can Be a Teaching Tool - Inspired by Love N Dancing

My continual question in my previous post, "Can Dancing be a Teaching Tool?" has been answered in Love N Dancing movie which I watched last night.

The Synopsis

The movie is about a deaf dancing teacher, Jake Mitchell, who was in past is a twice World Swing Dance Championship. He gave up dancing about seven (7) years ago due to the unfaithful relationship his partner done to him. He then become a dance teacher as well as motivational speaker who travel around the country to speak to the student on his disability that did not stop him of being a dancer once. On the other hand, Jessica Donovan is a English teacher for disinterested, upper class middle school kids who has a dreams of Broadway when she was a young dancer. Her life is boring as she had a fiance, Kent who is work-a-holic, who she claims that he is having an affair with his work and cares more about making money rather than making her happy. Both Jake and Jessica met a school assembly whereby Jessica is attracted to him due to his dance performance with his former partner, Corinne. Jessica enrolled herself and Kent into Jake's private class for their wedding. As Kent is more concern about making money, he did not turn up of any of the classes leaving Jessica alone. Both Jake and Jessica connection gets better and Jake have the feeling of competing again. Jake asks Jessica if she would like to be his partner and Jessica agrees. Both of them train hard and Jessica finally realize that dancing actually make her happy and she groomed well. She looks more beautiful, confident and elegant! Finally, she broke up with Kent. Both Jake and herself finally got together when Jake expressed his love for her before the start of the competition.

From the movie, my question is well answered and proven. As mentioned in the previous post, "Can Dancing be a Teaching Tool?", a guy can learn how to touch a girl in a respectable way. While in Love 'N Dancing, a gal can learn how to be beautiful, confident, elegant and be respectful from the way they walk, talk and touch. All these can be learned through dancing.

Dance is indeed can be a teaching tool not to mention the arts and history behinds it. Every dance has it arts value, for example, the Flamenco dance originate from Spanish is to express deep feelings and show-off the dancer spirit. The dance helps people to express themselves in another way that we normally does.

I really need and like to enrol Ezel to dance classes when she is older as she likes to dance. I really hopes that she can learn something from her favourite activity. I passed my time to do such. Thus, I hope I can do something for Ezel's benefits and goods.

Amazing Reply by A Reputation Investment Bank CEO to a Self-Claimed Pretty Girl

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum :

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York .

My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden, $250k annual income is not enough. I

'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and w ho can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty
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Amazing reply:

Dear Ms. Pretty, I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.! From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you.. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of 'beauty' and 'money': Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later. By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a 'trading position'. If the! trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or 'leased'. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool. Hope this reply helps ... If you are interested in 'leasing' services, do contact me ...

signed, CEO
x.x. Mxxxxx :)